


where you belong (like you never left)

by penaltykill



Category: Women's Hockey RPF
Genre: Gen, Olympics, Team Dynamics, Team as Family, mostly just me being emotional about Amanda Kessel's return to Olympic ice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-10
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-29 06:35:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13921434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penaltykill/pseuds/penaltykill
Summary: It's just a game. But it's a big game.Or, Amanda Kessel plays Olympic hockey again, and remembers that she loves her team.





	where you belong (like you never left)

**Author's Note:**

> i think about kess maybe not ever playing hockey again and then i think about this olympic cycle and I guess this is what happens when i think too hard about it?

She wakes up with a headache.

The realization hits her like one of those “illegal” body checks and she lays still for a moment, hoping it might pass. It’s a dull ache at the back of her neck, a little throb in her temples, pulsing in time with her heartbeat. 

Amanda has been dealing with headaches for years now. The ones after Sochi were incapacitating, enough to force her into bed for days on end. Everything made it worse, Light? Made the pulsating faster. Noise? Like an ice pick to the head. Food? You might as well whack her in the helmet with a hockey stick. It’d hurt less.

This headache, though, is just kind of… _annoying_. It’s there, and it’s making her neck hurt, but she’s able to swing her legs over the side of the bed and get to her feet without feeling like the world is turning beneath her. That’s an improvement. 

She goes to brush her teeth. She has things to do.

-

Predictably, Hannah knows something’s wrong. It’s probably a carryover from their college days. Linemates can read each other, sometimes without even saying a word. She arches a brow at Amanda from over her coffee, asking question without saying anything at all. _You good?_

Amanda pours herself a cup of coffee and sets to making cereal, because it gives her something to do with her hands. The look she gives Hannah on her way to the counter is supposed to be reassuring, but she’s at Amanda’s elbow in two seconds, flat, brows knitted together and lips curved down in something like a frown. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” she says, and Hannah’s expression says _yeah, right_. Amanda exhales on a sigh, offers a little shoulder lift that’s meant to be a casual shrug. Their roommates are all around. Hilary’s sprawled across the couch scrolling through her phone. Alex is on the floor stretching out her back. Kendall’s half in Hilary’s lap trying (and failing) to follow the curling match on TV just now. When she speaks, her voice is low. “Just a headache.” Her expression is neutral and her tone is casual, but Hannah seems to pick up on the worry anyway. There’s something to the slant of Amanda’s shoulders, a hint of worry in the way she’s hyper-focusing on the boxes of cereal on the counter, that makes her nudge Amanda’s shoulder lightly.

“You sure that’s not the tequila?” It makes Amanda smile, a _real_ smile, because Hannah’s not freaking out like she is internally. She knows her better than that. She really, really appreciates it. 

“Maybe,” she agrees, nudging Hannah back lightly and pouring herself a bowl of Special K. 

Hilary throws a wadded up sock at Alex when she’s trying to do some kind of yoga pose and she falls over in a heap. Laughter fills the apartment and Amanda’s joining in with it. 

Things are fine.

-

Things are, as it turns out, not as fine as Amanda thinks.

Amanda’s trying to tape her stick with the same methodical process she’s been using since she was five, candy-striping it like Phil always does. It’s the third time the tape has broken before she’s done. The pain in her head is still there, but that’s not really the problem. The problem is that her hands are actually _shaking_ , and she’s not the only one who’s noticed.

Most of the girls are locked in on their routines. Meghan’s got her headphones in and a book open on her lap. Kacey’s lacing up her skates, left foot first, as always. Maddie’s checking Twitter. Beside her, Dani leans around her cubby and offers her a handful of Skittles, and Amanda’s transported back to Ridder, to her first game back, when Dani had done the same thing, integrating Amanda into her pregame routine as easily as if she’d been there the entire time, and not just scattered practices while she’d worked her way back on the ice -and into the Gophers’ lineup. 

Dani grins at her and Amanda grins back, reaching for the candy and taking three red ones in a fist. Dani mimics her and they knock their fists together before popping the Skittles into their mouths and returning to the rest of their own routines. On her other side, Hannah’s pulling on her lucky socks. 

Amanda settles back and re-tapes her stick, this time without breaking the tape. She laces up her skates, right foot first, as always. She pulls the USA jersey over her head, not without pausing to run her fingertips along both the logo on the front and the _28_ stitched onto the back. 

And then she hesitates. The Sharpie’s in her bag, but Bozie had been doing it until...well, until recently. She scans the locker room for a second. Amanda doesn’t want to bother anyone. They all have their own pregame rituals, but she has _this_ one, and somebody else has got to do it. She turns her back on the team as she leans down to dig the marker out of her bag, and when she turns around, Lee’s already there, hand outstretched expectantly. 

“Keep looking forward, right?” Amanda exhales a sigh of relief and offers her the Sharpie. Lee takes her hand, fingers loose around her wrist, and Amanda tries not to think of her racing pulse, which only makes it race faster. If she notices (and how can she not?), Lee doesn’t mention it. She just meticulously draws the arrow on the back of her hand, going over it twice for good measure, and hands the marker back to her. 

They line up to head out on the ice not long after that. When Meghan passes her, she presses a couple of Advil into her hand and taps her lightly on the top of the helmet. Amanda blinks. How’d she know?

-

It takes a while to get used to Olympic ice again. It’s bigger. The ice, _and_ the stage are bigger. Through warmups, Amanda’s relaxed. Her skates move smoothly across the ice and she flicks saucer passes across to Keller, takes a few bumps into the boards from Skarupa, and plants herself near the dot to flick shots at Hensley. It’s when she’s skating behind the goal and sees Noora at the other end that it really hits her. She’s at the _Olympics_.

A puck from Cayla whizzes by her ear and she shouts an apology. Amanda shakes her head and skates back to the blue line, whacks the defensemen lightly in the back of the shin with her stick, and steals the puck. 

It’s just a game.

-

But a _big_ game.

Amanda’s passes aren’t crisp. She misses hitting Kendall point-blank on their first shift and slams the bench door when they come off. Decker gives her a playful tap on the knee as she falls into the seat beside her. Things don’t really get easier from there.

Amanda’s shots miss the net by inches. Her strides are just a hare slower than she’d like. Her passes don’t hit her teammates’ tape. By the end of the first period, she’s back with her Gophers and Hilary’s taken over with Kendall and Decks. She tries not to think of it as a demotion, especially when she catches Dani’s eye and she throws her a playful wink.

The next time she goes over the boards, she hunts down the puck in the corner and flicks it out to Hannah’s waiting stick so she can get a shot on net. Noora, predictably, makes the stop, but at least it’s something. As she sniffs the puck out along the boards again, though, she’s bodied off by one of the Finnish defenseman. 

By the end of the first, they’re up 11-9 in shots, but down 1-0 on a last-minute goal. Coach Stauber isn’t mad, exactly, but he doesn’t say much in the locker room at intermission. Meghan does, though, and it’s not the kind of pep talks you see in movies. She stands up, clears her throat, and basically says they need to stop playing like they’re afraid of making mistakes and start playing to win. 

And then Skarupa puts on an Akon song and they all settle in to re-tape sticks or adjust skates. Kacey and Hilary toss a roll of tape between them. The rookies kick around a soccer ball. Amanda shares another handful of Skittles with Dani and tosses a couple across the room for Decks to try and catch in her mouth. There are rainbow candies scattered along the floor as they head out for the second.

It gets easier. The movements are the same. Amanda stops gripping her stick so tightly. Their changes get quicker. They get one back when Mo knocks home a second chance shot during a scramble, and then they never look back. The bench is quiet in a calm sort of way. They can hold conversations about plays if they want, and Amanda finds herself with her helmet leaning against Hannah’s more often than not as they talk strategy. She finds her feet and the puck more often, now, flicking it out to her defensemen for clears. She doesn’t score, but the team does. Hilary finds Kendall on the powerplay -like they often do- and things settle from there.

In the end, they throw 42 shots on goal and Noora only lets in two. Dani’s goal, her first as an Olympian, is an empty netter, but the bench celebrates for her anyway and Amanda’s one of the first to give her helmet a tap as she skates by. 

It’s Maddie’s first Olympic win, too, and somebody -Kacey, maybe- gets her the puck for her troubles. They all mob the goalie with hugs and Amanda feels it for the first time since they got to Korea: they’re really doing this.

_One down._

-

They have a day off between prelim games. They have practice in the morning, of course, and Amanda finds herself back with her Gophers, which is fine with her. They’d found some chemistry during centralization, and, honestly, it takes a little bit of pressure off of her shoulders. Before the rest of the team takes the ice, they weave in and out of cones meant to be defenseman, passing the puck as quickly as they can, and Amanda’s passes hit the mark more often than not with just a flick of the wrist. It’s kind of like riding a bike. You never really forget, but you can be rusty. 

She’s trying to shake that rust off. 

Dani passes it off and Amanda fills in her lane, hands the puck off to Hannah, and moves to the middle. The process is familiar, methodical, and comforting. Then, the puck somehow rides up Dani’s stick on the next pass, bounces off of her helmet, and knocks Hensley’s water bottle right off the goal. 

“You couldn’t do that again if you tried,” Hensley chirps her, and Dani skids to a stop in the goal-mouth, spraying ice everywhere. Amanda circles behind the net, scoops up the puck, and flips it onto the blade of her stick before tossing it over Nicole and in front of Dani. Hannah’s replaced the fallen bottle on the top of the goal and she and Amanda stand near the boards, leaning on their sticks. 

“Who you got?” Hannah asks, and Amanda tips her head.

“I never bet against my linemates.” Dani kicks the puck up to her stick, flips it a couple of times, and tosses it at the bottle. Hensley dives dramatically to swat it away and Dani whacks the bottle off the net using her stick. 

“That’s cheating!”

“That wasn’t in the rules!” 

They’re both laughing and Hannah’s laughing and Amanda’s laughing, too, her sides already aching when one of the twins blows past them and ribs her. For some reason, Joce is wearing Mo’s jersey and Monique comes out wearing Pannek’s and no one says a word about it. Not even Coach.

-

The game against Russia -or, sorry, OAR- is…better. 

Amanda’s used to her linemates again and her passes are cleaner. Still, she gets bodied off the puck in the corner when she shies away from the contact. It’s not even a conscious choice. It’s just that, ever since Sochi…well, it’s instinctual, and she has to make a conscious decision to keep moving. She makes a note to keep doing that.

Kacey opens the scoring and the smile on her face as she passes the bench for her fist-bumps is contagious. There’s something infectious about it, and before long, they’re all grinning and Jocelyne is…well, Joce is just on fire. She’s already notched an assist on Kacey’s goal, but she digs the puck out and scores one herself in the second, and when she takes the puck in all alone on the face-off and dekes around Russia’s goalie, Hannah just says “Holy shit,” and Amanda has to agree. She's seen Jocelyne try that move in practice before, but she's never seen it work in a game. She glances up at the clock to see how much time has passed. It seems like the blink of an eye. 

The bench is a little more rowdy after that. They’re giving Joce love on the bench and she hears Meghan joke that she’s been holding back until now and it just seems _right_ somehow. 

Hannah notches one, her first Olympic goal, and Amanda crashes into her so hard she loses her breath. It gets taken back because Hannah knocked it in with her hand, and that’s clear on the replay, but Amanda just taps her on the back of the helmet and tells her she’ll get it back. They’re in sync now, all three of them, and it shows. Hannah’s played with them both -at different times and together- and her centering the pair seems to just work in a way that Amanda can’t explain. She doesn’t get in on Hannah’s real first goal, but there’s a hell of a play from Dani to keep the puck on her stick and pass it over to Hannah while falling, and Amanda still hugs them both just as tightly as the first time. 

She scoops that puck up for Hannah. 

They keep another game puck for Hensley, who, although not busy, posts her very first Olympic win -and shutout.

_Two down._

-

There are no points for her, which she hadn’t even thought about until after.

Amanda makes the mistake of checking her Twitter mentions after the game, where people are questioning whether or not she might be playing hurt and why she hasn’t gotten on the scoresheet yet. There are handfuls of supporters, too, who are just glad to see her back on the ice, but the detractors are more plentiful. There are a bunch of alerts on her phone, too, but Amanda ignores them all. All, except Phil’s. Her brother’s always been honest with her. He’s busy, but he’s also trying his best to watch when he can. She appreciates it, even if she wishes people would stop asking her about him. 

_good game, mands. stay strong on the puck._

She doesn’t bother to reply. He’s right. He always is. It’s still annoying. She just wants to contribute. And play like she used to play. She’s not sure why it’s so hard. A voice in her head that sounds a lot like Blake tells her she’s barely set foot on international ice in years. She tells him to shut up.

Out loud, apparently, because Hilary glances up from her phone to say “…I didn’t say anything.” Amanda doesn’t bother to explain but sprawls across their couch and huffs out a sigh. Hilary sets her phone aside. “Hey, careful. Your face’ll stick like that.” Amanda only pouts more. Hilary kicks her in the side, where she knows Amanda’s ticklish, and Amanda rolls over in protest, trying to muffle her giggles into the arm of the couch. Hilary just stands up to dig her fingers into Amanda’s side instead, and before long, she’s not only laughing but rolling around and gasping for air, breathing out a “Stop, Hils,” between breaths. 

“I dunno. You look like you could use a laugh.”

“…are you guys, like, okay?” Hannah ask. She and Alex are standing in the doorway with the McDonald’s they’d been craving for the last hour. Hilary abandons tickling Amanda in favor of French fries. 

“Ask Kess,” she replies with a smirk while Amanda hauls herself to a crumpled, but technically upright, position, cheeks still a little pink from not being able to catch her breath. It feels good, though, even though her sides ache. She leans over to steal some fries right out of Hilary’s hand and dances away before she can reach for her again.

“I’m good.” It’s not even a lie.

-

They lose to Canada.

It’s not even surprising, really. Nobody had their feet under them except for Kendall, who tore down the wing to put them within one early in the third. The rest of the team seemed out of sync all night. From the missed penalty shot on a move Joce had scored on before to the powerplay not clicking to bad turnovers in the neutral zone, nothing seemed to work.

Amanda feels like she’d skated scared, too. She’d played passive, which never ends well, especially not against Canada, but she’d found herself chasing the puck more than wanting it on her stick. That wasn’t how she liked to play. It wasn’t how she was at her best. As the clock ticked down and they tried desperately to tie things up, she found the puck on her stick and fired a shot that hit one of several bodies scrambling in front of the net. The puck ended up behind Lacasse at some point, but it didn’t cross the line. 

That wasn’t the end of it, though. Blurs of red and white swam in front of her eyes. Amanda had gone down to a knee to try and get a better angle on the shot, but from here, she could see Keller hovering over a Canadian. Pelks was on the ice between a couple of the Canadian players. Joce was trading punches with…was that Poulin? Of course it was. “Fuck,” she mutters as she climbs to her feet and grabs the nearest red jersey, to keep things fair, her dad always said. _Don’t let anybody gang up on your teammates,_ he always told her. 

Not even now, when her muscles ache and she just wants a hot shower and something to rinse the bitter taste out of her mouth. 

Eventually, they all scatter. Amanda skates back to the line to give Maddie a hug. The team still salutes the minimal amount of fans in red, white, and blue before heading back to the locker room. Once there, it’s quiet, and not in the calm, comfortable way. They’re all tearing off jerseys and gear and it’s as she’s throwing her gloves into her cubby that Amanda realizes it. 

Decks notices, too. “No arrow?” She practically yells, and in the muffled quiet, it catches everyone’s attention. Amanda rubs the back of her hand where the fading one from the Russia game is still slightly visible. “So it’s your fault no one caught that offsides!” 

Keller snorts, breaking the uneasy silence, and soon the entire room is cracking up. Every time the noise dies down, somebody comments about breaking routine and they all tear off into laughter again

“No Skittles.” Dani.

“My phone battery died.” Joce.

“I had to use Hilary’s stick tape, and it sucks.” Kacey.

Decks jumps onto the bench in the center of the room and cups her hands over her mouth. “Okay, so, next game we’re all gonna do our thing, right?”

There’s a choruses of affirmations as she hops back to her feet and Meghan just surveys the room, nods, and tells them all to forget about it. They’ve got another game coming up.

Keep looking forward. 

-

Despite the pep talk, they’re uneasy. 

Most of the team is packed into their suite watching a skiing event, but no one’s saying anything or paying much attention. There’s a palpable energy, though, and, at some point, someone, maybe Cayla, says she wants to go see the rings. From her spot on the floor, upside down with her legs in somebody’s lap on the couch, Amanda sees a few heads pop up. The gentle murmurs climb until everyone’s talking over each other, and Kacey puts her fingers to her mouth to whistle and shut them all up. 

“Let’s go, then.” They all pull on jackets and gloves, some of them not even their own, and tramp out into the Village. Amanda ends up carrying Decker because she’s too tired to walk. Lee’s got Hilary on her back. A chain of rookies leads the way in the dark, and Amanda can’t tell if it’s the drink she had earlier, after the game, or just the closeness that’s making her feel warm despite the cold temperature. She’s got Lee on one side, Meghan on the other, and she’s surrounded on all sides. It feels comfortable. It feels like _home,_ despite just how far away from Madison, Wisconsin she is.

They reach the rings and take more photos, breaking off into groups -college teammates, linemates, rookies, veterans, and eventually, they’re all climbing over each other to get onto the Olympic rings. Keller lifts Amanda up onto one. Dani falls on her ass on the first try, but makes it the second. They've taken over the area and people from other groups are taking their photos as they pose. 

For the second time in as many days, Amanda realizes that they’re _here_. She keeps expecting to wake up from a dream, but she never does.

-

Skroops has the music blaring when Amanda gets to the locker room for their semi against Finland. They exchange high fives before Amanda sinks into her seat and starts taping her stick. No less than six people ask her about the arrow, but Meghan gets there first, so she just flashes it at every other person who asks. Actually, Meghan had been sitting on the floor stretching before anyone else had even gotten there, and she’d held out her hand for the marker before Amanda had even sat down, so it’s been there, sharp lines and all, since. 

They get off to a good start, their best start all tournament, and it’s the first time Amanda feels relaxed. Despite the goalie being Noora, she finds herself wanting the puck on her stick. She just misses on a wrister from the dot and keeps firing. The entire team seems intent on peppering her with shots and getting in her way, which is part of what Amanda had told them all the night before. “She hates when she can’t see, obviously, so if we can get one of you trees to stand in front of her…” 

Hilary scores from right in front of her, too, a pretty deflection that has Amanda screaming in Dani’s ear. They end up coming out of it 5-0, and Amanda notches her first point of the tournament on one of Dani’s goals. She tried to get her the hat trick, really. Once the second one had gone in, she and Hannah kept feeding her, but Finland wasn’t having it.

“Sorry,” she says with a shrug when they’re all hugging Maddie for _her_ first Olympic shutout.  

“For what?”

“Not getting you a new hat.”

“Oh. It’s cool. You just owe me.” 

-

They didn’t watch the Canada/OAR game. Instead, they all went out to eat to celebrate. Meghan glances down at her phone halfway through their meal and the comfortable chatter halts, if only for a moment. She shrugs and flips it upside down on the table. “They say if you want to be the best, you have to play the best.” 

“Yeah, so Canada’s got to play us!” It’s Keller who says it, but there’s a wave of agreement across the length of the table. It’s different this time. Some of them have been here before, but a lot of them _haven’t_ , and that confidence of not having been so close and having gold slip through their fingers…it was helping the veterans, too. 

Amanda feels Hannah kick her foot under the table and then promptly Dani nudges her knee and just like that, the nerves float away, at least for now. Yeah, she’d had a drink, but it was these girls, _t_ _his team_ , and the look of pride on Meghan’s face as she nods.

“Damn right they are.”

-

It’s _so_ much different than Sochi. From the second they step into the locker room, it’s less tense. There’s quiet confidence in everything they do, from the pregame Skittles (somehow, they’re red, white, and blue) to the arrow on her hand, this time drawn by Hilary with a flourish. Everyone seems in step as they take the ice, and the bench is quiet, but calm. Amanda can hear Pierre McGuire commenting that it seems too quiet, but they’re just focused, and Amanda doesn’t even have to say anything when she turns to Dani after a potential scoring chance. 

“I know,” she says with a shake of her head. “Drive the net.” And on the next shift, she does. Amanda puts a shot just off the post and when she gets back to the bench, she just takes a sip of water, accepts the helmet taps from her teammates, and looks down at Szabados. She’s got a good glove. Next time, she’ll go blocker. 

The game wears on, and it starts the same as the last. Canada has them hemmed in a lot, but they’re cleaning up the zone defensively, moving the puck towards Szabados with every chance they get. Canada is pushing back, hard. Maddie’s keeping them in it. There are a couple shorthanded chances on the powerplay, which just can’t seem to click, no matter which unit is out there. Amanda’s shots keep going wide and every time she tries to feed Hannah or Dani, a Canadian’s there to swipe it away and out. A couple of point shots get through, but nothing beats Szabados. 

Still, there’s no frustration on the bench. They get a third powerplay opportunity in the waning moments of the period, and this time, they capitalize. Amanda can see the play developing before the puck’s even on Sid’s stick. Hilary’s found her spot right in front of yet another elite goalie, and Amanda stands up just as the puck moves below the goal line. Decker’s got fantastic vision, she even sort of makes eye contact with Hilary as she digs the puck out and flings it to the point. Sid walks in, fires the puck, and Hilary gets a stick on it to redirect it behind Szabados. 

The crowd, which Amanda had been blocking out, roars to life. She can’t tell if they’re cheering or booing. Maybe it’s a mix of both. Either way, she’s yelling with the rest of her team as Hilary skates to the bench for congratulations. They’ve scored first. Hilary hops back on the bench and Amanda reaches up to give her helmet a pat while she lets out another celebratory cheer. 

It’s begun, now.

The game chugs on. In the second, they go down a goal. Irwin strikes first, and then it’s Poulin, because _of course_ it is. Watching Poulin celebrate makes Amanda roll her eyes, but nothing more. It is what it is. She comes up big in games like this. They all know that. 

They push forward. Each shift is short and the changes are quick. They trade penalties, but no one scores. The buzzer sounds.

 -

They have been here before. Well, some of them have. But last time, they were on the other side, up at the second intermission. This time, they’re down a goal, but Coach Stauber tells them to keep pushing, like they don’t already know, and leaves them to themselves. Amanda’s taping up a new stick, looking down at the arrow pointing at Hilary and Decks and Kendall across the room, and she feels it, then. They’re going to do it. She doesn’t know who, but _somebody_ is going to score and somebody else is going to win this. She feels it in her gut. It’s not the tense, cramping feeling she had before the third in Sochi. It’s a light, airy feeling, like when you’re at the top of a roller coaster, just waiting for the drop.

Every person she makes eye contact with in that room seems to be thinking the same thing. Decker blows her a kiss. Hilary gives her a nod. The twins give her mirror winks. They’ve got this.

“Hey, Mads,” Pannek says from the hallway, where she’s bouncing a soccer ball against the wall. “Did you really have to let her score? I thought Kacey was going to combust.” 

“She came out of nowhere! Clear the puck next time!”

But it’s not accusatory. It’s just…funny, really. They’re all laughing and exchanging high fives as they had back to the ice.

They’ve _got_ this.

-

Poulin shows up again in the third, but not on the scoresheet. They’re driving the net, getting people in Szabados’s face, and Hilary’s just about to poke the puck to Decker when it happens. Poulin rams into Decks, hard, her elbow connecting solidly with her face -or it would have, if not for the cage. Still, Decks lays on the ice for a long time. Everyone on the bench is standing. Most of them are yelling. Coach tells them all to shut up, and then starts yelling himself, demanding penalty time. The referees do nothing.

Amanda’s heart is somewhere in her throat as she watches Brianna crouched there on the ice, remembering with stunning clarity how she felt after her own injury. It hadn’t happened like that, not in a game, but she remembers being on the ice and feeling it. Or, really, not feeling _right_. She hopes Decks is okay. She hopes Poulin pays for that. 

They guide Decker off the ice. Meghan gives her a little pat on the shoulder and Hilary’s leaning in to check on her. She doesn’t leave the bench, and Amanda guesses that’s a good thing. The trainer’s there, checking her out. It’ll be okay. 

It seems to spur them on. They’re crashing the net with every shift, carefully keeping out of the blue paint, but peppering Szabados with shots from all corners. One of Amanda’s misses just wide, but she’s chasing down the puck harder than she can remember doing in her life, dislodging it and feeding Lee so they can continue to cycle. And every line is doing the same thing, always pushing, always grinding. It leads to some chances against Maddie, but Maddie’s standing tall, clearing pucks to the corners and keeping the play moving as much as she can.

It takes a while, but they score the equalizer. It’s Monique, catching the Canadians on a terrible change. They’d had a ton of chances early, hit a post or two, and now Mo’s barreling in all alone. All Amanda’s thinking as she drives the net is that she hopes Monique doesn’t go glove. 

She _does_ go glove side, and just low enough that Szabados misses it. It’s in the back of the net and everyone’s hugging and screaming. She hears Skroops hollering _fuck Canada!_ all the way down the bench. Amanda punches Mo in the shoulder in her excitement as she zips by the bench and then turns to find Pelks on the bench. She wraps an arm around her neck and leans in close to yell over the noise of the crowd. “Hell of a pass!” 

“What?”

“I said good pass!”

“…what?” 

-

Time ticks down. Because it’s USA/Canada, no one can capitalize in the waning seconds, even though they both have chances. 

They move to overtime. Coach spends the first five minutes of intermission detailing the forward pairings. 

Decks and Kendall. Hannah and Dani. Hilary and Amanda. 

And down the line. Hilary flashes her a grin and Amanda can’t help but laugh. Who’s going to be the hero this time? She doesn’t know. She doesn’t even really _care_ , at this point, as long as they’re walking out of here with gold around their necks. 

It’s _so_ much different from Sochi. It’s not quiet. There’s music playing. No one’s trying to wear holes in the floor from staring too hard. Amanda peels the tape from her stick and redoes it. For some reason, it feels like she’ll need a better grip at sometime during this extra frame. 

It’s the longest intermission ever, and that’s exactly what Gigi says as they’re finally heading back out onto the ice.

-

It seems like no matter who’s out there, it could end at any second. There are moments, playing with Hilary, that Amanda feels like they’re _bound_ to score. Hilary wins two faceoffs in a row and Amanda nearly finds her in the slot, but a stick gets in the way. Then it’s Mo or Joce with a chance. Then it’s Decks and Kendall. They just keep pouring it on. 

Dani almost ends it with a deflection that just goes wide.

Keller gets a wide open look in the slot that Szabados gets a shoulder on.

Amanda’s watching the clock tick down. 2 minutes to go.

Still, though, it’s Canada who gets the break. With less than two minutes left, after the referees had swallowed their whistles for most of the third and overtime, they call Keller for knocking over Poulin. Amanda can’t really blame her; Poulin hit Decker earlier and she’s a pest to play against. Amanda would know…she’d been out against her for a good portion of the overtime.

Everyone knows how Sochi ended on a powerplay goal from Poulin. Amanda figures that’s the angle the announcers are taking. Amanda’s more focused on whether or not she’ll be called upon during the PK and if there’s a possibility for a shorthanded goal. The team seems to agree. 

Lee, Kendall, and Emily start things off. Kendall manages to clear it off a faceoff win and even gets a rush the other way, but she’s surrounded by white jerseys. The Canadians cycle, and Johnston gets shot that flutters up. Johnston and Jenner both raise their arms in celebration, but Maddie gets a stick on it to keep it out. They clear it twice within the twenty-five seconds, and so it’s on to the shootout. 

It seems like a stupid way to end such an important game, but rules are rules. They’d practiced this against Maddie, actually. Coach Stauber makes his way down the line and taps the shoulders of five players. 

Amanda gets the call. She’ll shoot fourth. She just nods, glad she re-taped her stick during the last intermission. 

They win the coin toss and elect to go second.

Maddie stops Spooner easily. Gigi takes the puck in deep, almost too deep, Amanda can see the puck rolling on her…but she still shuffles it past Szabados. 

Agosta rips one high over Maddie’s shoulder and Hannah can’t poke it through. She’d been going five-hole. She always does that. Amanda gives her lineman a tap on the shin as she skates back to the bench.

Poulin comes in next, but Maddie saves it like it’s nothing and grins so big that Amanda can’t even worry. If there was any doubt, it’s gone now. Emily tries to go backhand on Szabados and the goalie stops her easily, but it doesn’t even matter.

Daoust comes in wide, takes it to the far post, and gets Maddie moving to her right. She’s _just_ able to pull up and move the puck back and into a wide open net. 

So it’s Amanda’s turn. She knows the stakes. They’re down a goal in this shootout, 2-1. If she doesn’t make this, there’s going to be a hell of a lot of pressure on their rookie goalie. So, she’s just _not_ going to miss. She’s also _not_ going glove side. 

Amanda skates to center ice and leans over, resting her stick against her knees as she stares down the goaltender, not wanting to blink first. When the referee blows her whistle, she takes the puck and skates in. She’s thinking deke the whole time, but just inside the blueline, the puck bobbles on her, rolling on its side a bit. She’s not sure if that’s what makes Szabados stumble or if she’s just not ready, but she’s really deep in her net all of a sudden, and she's dropping down. Amanda skates in, again, nearly too far for comfort, and rips one top shelf -and over the glove. 

She’s yelling all the way to the bench, races by to collect her fist bumps, and then hops back on, tapping Decker on the helmet as she settles in for the rest.  

Jenner comes in on Maddie, dekes, and tries to go backhand, but it doesn’t fool her. Hilary’s got the game on her stick, now, and all Amanda can think is that it’s just the kind of thing she’d love.  

She misses, hitting Szabados right in the glove, but she’s grinning as she comes back to the bench, too.

Coach Stauber decides to send Jocelyne out first. Amanda’s played with the twins for years now and she thinks she knows what’s about to happen. 

She doesn’t. She’s seen the move before, in practice, and even against the Russian goalie earlier in this same tournament. She expects Joce to shoot it after the first deke, on the backhand, but she pulls it back. Szabados is already moving to her right, tries to scramble back to her left, and drops her stick in the process. She nearly gets a glove on it. 

Nearly isn’t good enough. Joce curses, celebrates, and comes to the bench, but not without skating all the way down to tap Maddie on the pads. Amanda gives Jocelyne a pat on the back and a “Fucking right,” that’s drowned out by the goal music. _Don’t Stop Believing_ seems weirdly appropriate.

They prepare for the next shooter. Canada sends Agosta out again. Amanda’s standing. The entire bench is. Hensley already has a pad over the boards and Joce has discarded her stick behind her. They watch as Agosta comes in. She doesn’t go blocker high this time, for whatever reason. She tries to deke, but Maddie’s tracking the puck the whole way, closes the five hole and then promptly swats the puck out of her crease with a glove.

Amanda’s screaming. Decks is screaming. Everybody’s screaming, scrambling over the boards to get to their goalie. It’s a rush of blue and white as they all reach her, piling on in celebration, sticks and gloves tossed everywhere. They go down in a heap, but nobody cares as they all try and get their chance to hug the winning goalie. 

It’s all a blur, really. She must get to her feet, somehow, and then Amanda’s hugging the first teammate she sees, going from one to the next and holding on tight to the fronts of jerseys, resting her cheek briefly against the USA logo, and thinking about how even a year ago, she didn’t know that she’d be here, or be playing hockey at all. 

It’s the best feeling in the world. She doesn’t even realize she’s crying until Lee points it out, and she promptly reaches out to flick the tears away and then lifts Amanda clear off her feet. Amanda finds her linemates and holds them tight, finds Hilary and leans up to get her arm around her neck, seeks out Meghan and Kacey to press their heads together and tries to file it all away to memory, so that in a few days, when her heart stops beating out of her chest, she’ll be able to remember this feeling.

So that years from now, when somebody asks her how it feels, she’ll be able to tell them. 

It feels… _golden_. That’s all Amanda can say. The medals are put around their necks and they’re so heavy, and they stand together, arms around shoulders, and sing along to their anthem. 

After, as they’re all skating around the ice with flags, she looks down at her medal. The first thing Amanda realizes is that it’s heavy.

The _second_ thing she realizes is that she’s holding it with the hand Hilary drew the arrow on hours earlier, which is nearly rubbed away.

Just keep moving forward.

 


End file.
